I’m taking a leave while I work on projects….shall return September 1. I have selected some of my favorite posts to reblog which were my biggest chucklers. Enjoy again (or for the first time if you are a new subscriber). Scribbles! Helen
Once upon a time Cinder-hella decided to mop. She hated this task with all her heart, but it was a necessity due to:
- Grime build-up on the palace kitchen floor.
- Toddler drips and splats beneath the feeding throne.
- Approaching visitors from the North.
Reason #3 was foremost on Cinder-hella’s mind. It was Labor Day weekend in the Kingdom. Relatives would soon knock at the door. A fine feast of roast beast was planned. Of course, Cinder-hella waited until the last minute to mop because she hated it so.
She gathered the bucket. She heated the tap water which she laced with a fine-smelling lemon carcinogenic cleaning solution and bleach.
She stripped off all her clothing because she did not wish bleach to hurt her fine ballgown. She always mopped au naturale. No one was present in the house. No husband. No children. Cinder-hella was alone with a bucket and her mop. (Do not dwell upon her nakedness. That would be unseemly.)
Here is MOP.
Well, not the real mop.
Its brand will remain unsaid.
Just note that it was an old sponge mop, well-versed in evil.
It searched for an opportunity to belittle and harm Cinder-hella
much like the evil Step-sisters in the original story.
Cinder-hella swept the kitchen floor in preparation for the cleaning. She did not use an old-fashioned broom but a fine Swiffer given to her by her handsome prince. This brand is named because it is true and good… unlike MOP.
The princess decided that she would approach the task with a positive attitude. She ordered the Royal Pandora Musicians to play Christmas songs. Carols filled the air. She commenced the mopping with gusto and a smile.
She was amazed at how fast the work was going. MOP was cooperating. Hopefully, the floor would be dry before the relatives arrived.
Little did Cinder-hella know that MOP had heard the opines of Cinder-hella which were spoken to the Prince days before the Royal Mopping.
“Oh, handsome man, I beseech thee. Purchase for your royal dame a Swiffer Wet Jet. I will throw nasty MOP away and live the life of a true and gentle princess.”
MOP plotted and planned to exact revenge on the red-haired princess. At first MOP cleaned and shined the floor, but evil was lurking. MOP waited until just the right moment…and THEN ……
MOP snapped at its base, and Cinder-hella slipped and fell.
She lay on the wet floor, a puddle of naked flesh. Fear not! The fall was not hard only humbling. Cinder-hella was able to save herself from major hip or back injury by riccocheting off a wall.
MOP lay by her, sneering.
“Ha ha ha! You fell on your royal a##!”
“I hate you, MOP!” Cinder-hella yelled. She also spouted some very un-royal words which shall not be penned to page.
The doorbell rang.
Yes, it did.
Crawling on her hands and knees to the nearby dry floor, Cinder-hella hot-footed it to her royal sleeping chambers and donned her ballgown. She did have an ouch or two where the corset pinched, but otherwise she was in good spirits and free of broken bones.
The guests were warned to stay off the wet floor, and evil MOP was banished to the trash can.
So ends the tale of a princess and a mop.
The Moral of this story is:
To thine own mop be true or you shall be black and blue.
NOTE: The above tale is true. Cinder-hella does exist. I wear her glass slippers. This post is dedicated to a certain fellow writer whose children nicknamed me ‘Hella’.